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The Short Long Earth

by Smith 6

Based on the novel 'The Long Earth' by Terry Pratchett and Stephen Baxter.

Part Ten

Chapters 13, 14 and 15

Chapter 13

After her talk with Cliché Clichy, Jansson felt good about herself.

What a great idea of hers it had been to hide potential assassination victims in cellars below ground. On West 1 and East 1, the space occupied by the cellar was solid ground, so assassins couldn't Step straight in. They would either have to dig a parallel hole, or come in at ground level and fight their way down.

The only problem was that if the assassin did manage to fight their way down and enter the cellar, their victim would be unable to Step away without suffocating in some solid ground on another world.

Oh well.

Jansson was on her way to meet Jim Russo, that idiot you met in Chapter 6.

She sighted Russo, and made priorities of noting that he used hair dye and had plastic surgery, as these are the things she likes to judge people by. 'Spooky' seems like an even more brainless nickname for her when 'Judgemental' is accurate and uses alliteration.

Jansson also reminded herself that Russo had been declared bankrupt one less time than Trump, and had mortgaged his own home for an enterprise more suspicious than his cheeks.

"Hi," Russo said, probably doing a false smile to go with his false hair and false cheeks. "Look at this gun I've made without iron!"

Americans finally get a chance to leave guns behind forever, but instead they make even more. Is anyone surprised?

"This place is dodgy," Jansson said, but probably in a more subtle way. "Are your workers treated fairly?"

"I'm not whipping slaves," Russo said proudly, as though this is an achievement.

Missed the last part? Read chapters 10, 11 and 12 here! 

Chapter 14

January 1. Madison West 5. We came to stay at a lodge here for New Year after Cristmas Christmas at home but we will have to go bak back-

"Bak"? Is this person three years old? If English is your first language, anyone over the age of four or five should know how to spell "back" and get it right first time.

-to the Datum, for school. My name is Helen Green.

Well thank god she can spell her own name.

I am elven eleven years old.

"Elven"? Seriously? Do they really think kids are this stupid?

My mother (Dr Tilda Lang Green) says I should keep a jurnal jorunal journal-

Third time lucky, I guess. And you should tell your "mother" (shouldn't it be "Mum"? This kid speaks like a 19th-century gentleman but spells like a toddler with learning difficulties.) that she should keep her son! Snap!

-in this bok 

Right, that's it. This is ridiculous.

"Tut tut," said Tilda Green. "That's private."

Jack Green looked at her guiltily, which is crazy since Tilda appears to be the one totally lacking a moral compass.

You abandoned your own son on another world, but someone else reading a diary is an issue? What is wrong with you, woman?

Missed the next part? Read it here, maybe! 

Chapter 15

Token chapter for Australia. How tacky.

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